Don't Read Your Own Test Results

Yesterday I received my pass code to view my test results online. I was able to read through the results of all of my tests: CBC's (Complete Blood Count), MRI, CT Scan, PET scan, and X-rays. I am starting to actually understand doctor lingo. They used to have to translate it for me: they would say you have what is called a "permeative lytic process, which means it is like termites kind of getting in there and eating your bone". Great image. Early on, in my first MRI, they mention suspicion of a "neoplastic" process...neoplasm is the tecnical term for cancer. Neo is Greek for "new" and plasma/plastic is Greek for "growth"...a neoplasm is a tumor which means abnormally growing tissue. So, the upside to reading your test results is that you can learn to talk in crazy mumbo-jumbo, like "the anterior cortical destruction of the acetabulum is indicative of a lytic process, it appreciates a neoplastic, pathological process permeating the right illiac crest and the acetabular cup. The bone scan indicates significant uptake in the right hip and acetabulum and a small amount in the thoracic spine." The downside is that you realize that the doctors aren't really filling you in with everything that they are looking at, and that they use the code language so that you don't know what is going on because they think that you will freak out. For example, they did not notify me that the PET scan also noticed a potential "additional lesion" on my sternum. I have an email in asking my oncologist what that is all about.

By the way, the radiologist has not read my MRI from this morning yet, but they printed out the film for me (because I need it for my second opinion on Monday) and I looked at it and the vertebrae that they were talking about does look different than the other vertebrae on my back. So, in my professional opinion, the MRI shows an abnormal marrow signal in the T7 indicating an additional neoplasm. But I could be totally wrong. If I am right though, I am going to charge myself $701 for that read. The other thing I noticed from my MRI is that if you zoom in at the right angle, and you see the muscle there with the edges of the spinal column sticking out, my backbone looks like a delicious rack of beef ribs. Also, if you look at some of the other images, it looks like an ultrasound and I may be pregnant again. I think I'll wait for a professional to read my results and let me know what to do next.